i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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