and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
