Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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