You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
