drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
