Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do vagina's smell?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
