You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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