Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
