I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She even gives head with a lisp.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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