Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think your dad took our porno
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
