So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
