I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
