Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
