I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
