Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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