She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
