OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
