Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
