so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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