How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
