what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
