...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
