my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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