My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
