I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
