Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
