im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
birth control should be required to get into college
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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