There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
