u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
