hell yes lets make some ravioli
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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