This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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