Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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