people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
