I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
