that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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