I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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