you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
