pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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