She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
