Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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