He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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