Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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