So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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