I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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