yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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