the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
