i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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