Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
