So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
