Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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