just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
