4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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