I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
