i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
