and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
