did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
