When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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