The maid of honor just puked.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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