Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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