I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
