I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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