what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
