Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize