The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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