Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
