she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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