he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
